The Making of Laughter and Tears

Timid to revisit certain memories, on the pretty curtained roof I hash out melodies.
Sit with my pen to start over again; seems nothing comes out unless I dwell in complication.

Seems we have built our own cage.
Trying to be free can take up your whole day.

I wish I could recall the way you made me feel before I had to question if the life we had was real.
In a stupor of sorrow, I had been deceived.
Now the gift of patience is the least you can give to me.

I no longer need to see the cherry blossom trees.
Those tarnished blooms have lost some of their beauty.

Through the force of captivation I follow you still, as I try a little harder to inflict my own will.
Then you suspend time and make me believe there's no other place my body should be.

Naked in the forest, I'm still a baby.
No such thing as transgressions or fallacies.
The water is falling to wash over me.

The clouds began to pour their rain;
it's gonna stain my shoes as I think of how I placed the blame last night.
I put everything on you.

I tried to be louder than my voice could e'er be heard, so I used rage, baby.
Now all the lines are blurred.

I could attempt more to explain, defer responsibility, but it never takes away the pain.
Put down my guns; take a harder look at me.

Truth be told, I'm not as innocent as I wish I could be.
It's hard to know I've failed again as rain sounds drop so beautifully.

Amazing how explosions of the heart can take me down.
It's days before I start to come around, come around, but I come around back to my knees.

We've been fighting again. But if I lay down my pride, I know we'll survive and love will win.

So if you'll please, baby, open your arms again;
I'll make it worth your while if you can forgive my sins.

Could my feelings change?
Yes, I know it's strange to have the foresight of the coming years,
so I speak a mantra to fill my own ears.

I've got to know you now.
Still secrets deep in your furrowed brow.
Continuously put at risk, but a woman's heart ain't afraid of this.

I know I'm a fool to promise anything more than today.
But there are laws in my heart I just can't get around.
I would feel so much better this way.

I want you to pin me down;
don't want the world coming around.
Sometimes I think I've seen enough.
To erase the past can be rough, but I'm ready.
I know what I want.

I'm ready.
I know what I want.

I'm not a fool to promise so much more than today.
There are laws in my heart I am learning to follow.
I feel so much better this way.

He will keep you hanging on; all the ways he makes you high.
He will keep you hanging on, and he'll be the one to make you cry.

All this back and forth, how I go so many times.
I sure love you, baby, but I know that I've been blind to the things I don't want to believe.
But they're chasing after me.

There's an ugly fear that's been knocking on my door.
I refuse to answer but can't keep it out no more.
It is pouring in; seeping through the cracks because it feeds upon our sins.

Should I really be this damn confused?
With all my doubt and screaming, what is there to lose?

Oh, the scent of your skin has sunk so deep within my memory.
You've got ahold of me; I may never be free.

He will keep you hanging on; all the ways he makes you high.
He will keep you hanging on, and he'll be the one to make you cry.

As soon as I begin to leave my memory is my enemy.
Visions of only your charms cast a spell on me.
Oh, I'm dizzy thinking about the past that I will always carry with me.

I know I shouldn't be this damn confused.
With all my doubt and screaming, what is there to lose?

Oh, the scent of your skin has sunk so deep within my memory.
You've got ahold of me; I may never be free.

He will keep you hanging on; all the ways he makes you high.
He will keep you hanging on, and he'll be the one to make you cry.

He will keep you hanging on, and he won't ever, ever let you say goodbye.

I am happier forgetting the parts I don't need anymore.
Please brain, you can keep on suppressing what I intentionally closed behind that door.

I put in effort sifting through those sorrows.
I did my time buckled on the floor.
Can I please get on with tomorrow?
Stop dragging chains of emotional gore?

Who unlocked the demons?
Don't they know that I am not as before?
Years have power and I can't see any reason for looking back to what sends shivers to my core.

I will edit as I please, cauterize the wounds that make me bleed.

A dream came to affirm my actions.
I've done what I needed to survive.
On the path not every step is pretty.
Some memories don't need to stay alive.

Burn the pictures, I am on to greener pastures.
Tear the pages from the books you wrote inside.
With each breath become what you are after.
It's true what you've heard: all will heal with time.

Exercise out you demons!
Hear my voice: you are not welcome anymore!
Years have power and I'm demanding freedom!
Don't you know that I am not as before?

I will edit as I please, cauterize the wounds that make me bleed.

We are one in the same you and I;
wandering about under the same sky.
So why, oh why, do we make each other cry?

I can't fathom how evil ever wins.
Walking through the city in late July, I met the devil again.
As I reminisced in the bar that night, still clinging to my friends...

He threw up in a garbage can, laughing out loud;
belligerently urinated in the middle of a crowd, and he followed me home.

He followed me; on this Earth he's free to roam.

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

He is hiding in the tunnels of the subway lines;
don't let yourself be blind.
Dark ambitions are running this town;
I don't think I'll stick around.

I've changed.

Blending our illusions, gotta make things happen fast.
Trying to keep up with this race;
there's no way I'm gonna last where the winner is the one who dies with the most cash.

He is hiding in the tunnels of the subway lines;
don't let yourself be blind.
Dark ambitions are running this town;
I don't think I'll stick around.

How do we ever speak that way to one another in tones that complicate?
Be sweet.

I tried to pass through the kitchen as you spoke.
Fixed on a mission your presence broke.

Could two people ever communicate like they should?
I should have kept walking, but in the kitchen I stood.

What could have been simple had now just begun.
Amazing what there is to gain when you have power over your tongue.

The flood gates burst open when I feel I've been shamed,
when maybe I should realize you're just trying to explain.

We spiral, we spin...
Come down here you lovers; let empathy win.

Soften your eyes so I can recognize the man who
picks me off the floor and keeps me wanting more.

I believe firmly in taking space.
You'll like me better if we slow down this pace.
If given a moment, let me reiterate:
Once the steam clears my ears, I'll begin to hear straight.

Be sweet.
If you gently speak I'll do anything you please.
Be sweet.

Wondering where I belong;
no matter where I am I feel wrong.
One thing's for sure: you shook up the earth I was walking on.

Did you come to whisper truth into my ears,
or am I just mesmerized by lust and fear?
All I can do now is sit here alone.

All I know is that I don't want to make you sad.
I love the pleasures that we've had even if they disappear tomorrow.

I'm sorry that I'm so confused.
It's not my intent to torture you.
Stay away from me and you'll save yourself from sorrow.

We could be so happy, baby, if I only felt free.
Even with all these synchronicities, I don't know what I believe.

So many voices filling up my head.
What to keep and what to shed?
Until I have clarity, I'll lay here frozen in my bed.

'Cause I worry that I'm too sad.
I keep on trying and can't forget the past.
With all this love, how can it be so bad?

I think about having your baby.
Do you think I'm crazy?
Hold me close; no, just let me go.

Because I don't want to make you sad.
I love the pleasures that we've had even if they disappear tomorrow.

I'm sorry that I'm so confused.
I want to stop torturing you.
Save yourself, honey, I'm too full of sorrow.

I put on a record from a night we were in love.
The memories came flooding back and troubled me because
I was watching two ghosts giving up their souls.
We've changed in so many ways,
now which way to go?

I'd almost forgotten what it felt like at first.
You were just a stranger, but you made my heart burst.
But here we are today fighting our way.
Is this just what it's like to be husband and wife?

We came to each other for one reason or another.
I never could have seen this coming;
you gave me so much more than lovin'.

As I dance by myself to that old song, I melt.
All five years heard in one melody;
I got down and knelt because it shook me right to the bone
to think of all that you have shown me.
I do not regret these years; I pay homage with every tear.

We came to each other for one reason or another.
I never could have seen this coming;
you gave me so much more than lovin'.

Now I am not the girl who moved here without fear.
I feel more like a woman, but still my path, it ain't clear.

But I am going to be okay. I hope that you will do the same.
But oh, those nights under the super-moon; how I wish they'd have stayed.

We came to each other for one reason or another.
I never could have seen this coming;
you gave me so much more than lovin'.

I'd begun to plan things different than what was in your head.
Solemnly, I stared into your soul as you slept upon our bed.
Should I rouse this dormant beast, or let it sleep in peace?
Give the man his freedom. But what about my needs?

I never meant to complicate; what we had was going great.
It's beyond control; it's mother nature making me feel this way.

I thought I had rid myself from religious plots.
It amazes even me to find out that I'd need your promise of eternity.

I am trying to shed this previous notion of what our culture says I should.
It's not doing any good at this point in time.
I'm going crazy in the woods.

I could be alone.

You tell me we're forever, so please explain the fear of ceremoniously blessing our love;
proclaiming it for all to hear.
You're not the one to blame. I know it's me who's changed.
But I'm asking you to come with me.
Help me through this vulnerability.

Who is the girl you love?
Who is this girl you love?
She takes the form of me and even goes by my name,
but are her and I the same?

How do you see me when I cannot see myself?
Instability, insatiable needs; you better lock this love before I flee.
No, wait; leave out the pressure. Lets just go on being 'cause you're exactly what I need.

Sitting in my room watching flowers bloom,
yet totally consumed with how far I am away from you.
Physicality means nothing when it comes to distance.
Isn't there something I can do?

I'd lost track of my mind, and it's not the first time I thought I'd risen above it all.
But pride comes before the fall.

Can I lose this part of me,
so I can have someone so sweet to sleep beside me every night?
I know now; love means letting go.

I can't stand when I wake holding on to any pain.
I drank the devil's drink, and now I must explain.
Self-inflicted complication, I believe, has become a bad habit with power to control me.

I will lose this part of me.
I want you to sleep beside me every night.
I know now of what I should let go.
For love I will let go.

I can feel the breeze sweeping through our valley.
It's a wind of change; so necessary.

I was called here to evolve,
and you loved me though my problems weren't yet solved.

I could lose this part of me.
What I offer will be clean.
You'll see the clarity I've found by letting go.
There are some things I'm happy to let go.

Last night, alone in the basement I thought about what you've said,
and I shudder to think it just disappears.
Was it all in my head?
I don't know.
I've never been certain of anything in my twenty-eight years.
I don't know.

But the silence it kills me and so I will drift away from the pain; I've no patience.
Darlin', I'm weak and I'm afraid I can't sustain.
My heart is yellow as the desert flower.
I know I'm a coward.
I can't face this damn situation.
I'll try to forget all the sweet things you've said.

Love will be the death of me.

And intentions don't cover reality;
we're torn apart by selfish desires.
There's a force that drew us together.
I knew we were playing with fire.
You're bound to get burned when you stand so close to such a powerful thing as love.

Love will be the death of me.

My heart is yellow as the desert flower.
I know I'm a coward.
Still, I long for two arms to hold me that won't let go.
Still, I thank you.
Thanks for the feelings, my very sweet friend.
I wish you the happiest end.